


It's Not Over

by JustMattie



Category: Bellamy Blake - Fandom, Bellarke - Fandom, Clarkamy, Clarke Griffin - Fandom, Clarke and Bellamy, The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-01
Updated: 2017-06-01
Packaged: 2018-11-07 18:05:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 21,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11064324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustMattie/pseuds/JustMattie
Summary: "I know we can fix this," she whispered back, nodding her head, and smiling her sad smile. Even though she smiled, she still appeared as if she was about to break in two. Bellamy could practically feel the weight of her sadness, and it was heavy."You're not going to run off and leave me this time, are you?" Bellamy said lightly, only partially joking."No. I promise," she said, turning to fully face him. "Now what?"*This fan fiction begins at the end of season three.





	1. Prologue

Standing upon what once was Lexa's throne, Bellamy felt a strange sense of dread. 

How was it possible that after everything they had been through, they still hadn't reached the end of their struggle? How was it possible that after months of fighting every possible threat, they still weren't safe? How was it possible that after every trial they'd overcome, the worst of it was not over?

These thoughts overwhelmed every inch of Bellamy's mind, and he desperately longed for some sense, any sense, of relief. He stared out into the crowd of people that filled the room, searching for something that made sense. 

There was Murphy and Emori. They'd been hugging for a long time, and Bellamy wondered how they found each other. He still didn't know why or how Murphy had ended up in Polis, either.

He still didn't know why or how Murphy had ended up in Polis, either

There was Kane and Abby. They were still on the floor, Abby holding Kane in her arms. The fact that Kane was torn up about hurting Bellamy tugged on Bellamy's heart a bit. 

There was Jaha, crying in the corner, whom Bellamy felt hardly any sympathy for

There was Jaha, crying in the corner, whom Bellamy felt hardly any sympathy for. Perhaps once he heard the whole story of how Jaha came into contact with Alie, his feelings about Jaha would change. 

There was Pike, dead on the floor

There was Pike, dead on the floor. That really made Bellamy feel strange, because he was not sad or happy about it. What really struck him about Pike's death, was the fact that his own sister had been the one to cause it. But, really, could he blame her? He knew the question would be something he'd ponder for weeks to come. 

And beside him, there was Clarke; a brave princess, that didn't seem so brave anymore. She stood there, looking weaker than he'd ever seen her. Her eyes were overwhelmed with tears that she wouldn't let drip down her cheeks, and her face was flushed pale. It was an unfamiliar sight to Bellamy; something he hadn't seen up close since Clarke assumed her mother was dead in the drop ship crash all of those months ago. 

There was one thing that Bellamy was thankful for, even after everything. He was thankful that Clarke was still alive and breathing, and that this time, she was still beside him. She hadn't walked away and left him in tears and turmoil this time around. She hadn't run off and given up. And as much as she could make him mad and upset, he was grateful that she was there. 

Gently, as if not to scare her off, Bellamy rested a hand on Clarke's shoulder. It was the smallest of gestures, with the intention of reminding Clarke that she was not alone. That this time, she didn't have to bear the weight of everything that had happened all alone. She didn't have to be strong for everyone. 

Her eyes met his, and finally she let a tear spill down. She closed her eyes, looking down, as if she was ashamed for having feelings. 

"We can get through this," Bellamy said softly. He'd said this to her not all that long ago, but back then she didn't believe his words. She still left. He could only hope that things would be different this time around. 

"I know we can fix this," she whispered back, nodding her head, and smiling her sad smile

"I know we can fix this," she whispered back, nodding her head, and smiling her sad smile. Even though she smiled, she still appeared as if she was about to break in two. Bellamy could practically feel the weight of her sadness, and it was heavy. 

"You're not going to run off and leave me this time, are you?" Bellamy said lightly, only partially joking. 

"No. I promise," she said, turning to fully face him. "Now what?"

"We sleep, take a shower, eat some food. Maybe even have that drink?" Bellamy replied, squeezing her shoulder, before letting go. 

Clarke nodded.

"Are you okay?" she asked. 

Bellamy was slightly taken aback by the question. Nobody had asked him how he was in a long time.

"No," he said, but then shrugged his shoulders. "But are any of us ever okay?"

"But are any of us ever okay?"


	2. Many Happy Returns

One Day After

It took the remaining members of Arkadia approximately five hours to successfully climb down the tower, gather themselves, and leave Polis. 

The walk back home reminded many of one they'd endured before: the walk home from Mount Weather. Those struggles seemed like the took place so long ago, and that struggle seemed small compared to what they were up against now.

Clarke felt conflicted about who she should share what she'd learned with. But during the walk back home, she decided she would pass it over to Kane and her mother, and let them help her decide what to do. 

Now that Pike was dead, the rumor was that Kane would become interim Chancellor until further notice, and most were happy with that decision. 

"Do you think Octavia went back to Arkadia?" Clarke asked, coming up behind Bellamy, who was walking alone. They weren't far from home now.

"I doubt it," Bellamy said wearily, glancing over at Clarke.

"She'll come back, eventually. She just needs time," Clarke reassured him.

"You didn't."

"Hey," she pulled on his sleeve, forcing him to stop walking.

"I thought we were past that," she said, her eyes narrowing.

"We are. I'm just stating facts," he replied, and she let go, both of them beginning to walk again.

"I don't like the idea of her out there alone," Bellamy said uneasily.

"Octavia's a warrior. She can take care of herself," Clarke pointed out, and Bellamy sighed.

"That doesn't make it any easier."

"When have our lives ever been easy?" Clarke teased. 

"You have a point," Bellamy shrugged. 

"Bellamy, listen-" Clarke started before she was cut off by the sight of Arkadia's gates. 

"Welcome home," he said, before walking away, and ahead of her.

Clarke hesitated momentarily, but then followed him through the gates. 

|||||

After arriving on Earth, Kane decided that reunions with the people that he loved were his new favorite thing. 

There were many times in which Kane was separated from those he held dear for long stretches of time, and the only thing that kept him going was the idea that eventually, he'd get to reunite with them. 

He looked down at his hand that was intertwined with Abby's and smiled to himself. Despite everything that had happened, he still had her, and that was something to be grateful for. 

"I'm glad we're back. And that you're with me," Kane smiled lightly, squeezing Abby's hand. She returned the smile, and together, they entered the camp.

Everything about this moment was filled with nostalgia. The flood of people pouring into the gates was a tall reminder of the Battle of Mount Weather. And despite that that was not a good memory for anybody, Kane couldn't help but be happy about how many people had made it back this time. 

He stood beside the gate, watching his people walk through, and evaluating each person. 

Yes, Kane was happy that Abby was with him and that many had survived the ordeal with their lives in tact, but underneath all of that, he was very weary. However, he chose not to show it, and to deal with his emotions later. 

The time for their people to really start living was now. And Kane decided that absolutely nothing was going to stand in the way of that this time.

|||||

"Stop looking at me like that," Jasper grumbled, playfully slapping Monty on the shoulder.

Monty, Jasper, Harper, and Raven were all sitting on the floor next to one another, waiting. They hoped that the rest of their friends would find their home today, and because there was nothing better to do, and they sat and rested. 

"Hey, you stabbed me. You aren't allowed to slap me too," Monty chuckled, lightly pushing Jasper.

"Boys!" Raven and Harper exclaimed in unison. Monty blushed and retreated, offering up his hand to Harper. 

Raven and Jasper exchanged a glance, a hint of a smile forming on Jasper's lips. 

"Can I be honest about something?" Raven asked her friends, picking at a loose thread on her jacket. All attention was turned to her.

"What is it?" Monty asked, his eyes softening. 

"I'm a little scared about who might not be coming through that door," Raven said, nodding at the entrance that resided about fifteen feet in front of them. 

Jasper put his hand atop of Raven's. 

"Me too," he whispered. Monty and Harper both nodded in agreement.

"They'll be back soon. Then we won't have to worry anymore," Monty reassured everybody, smiling gently. 

"I sure hope you're right, because I've realized that this place is dead boring," Harper joked, attempting to lighten up the mood. 

"That's true. At least we-" Raven began, before the loud, obnoxious sound of footsteps interrupted her. 

The four of them quickly rose to their feet, passing glances at each other that were filled with nervous anticipation. 

Jasper gulped, and began walking toward the door. Right as he approached it, Raven stepped in front of him, pushing on his chest to discontinue his stride. 

"Wait," she said, running over to the other side of the room, and grabbing a chair. She set it down on the floor, and stepped up on it, allowing herself to see out of the high window. She grinned, and quickly hopped down.

"It's them," she beamed.

"What are we waiting for? Come on, open the door!" Monty encouraged her excitedly, and Raven pulled the lever. 

They all nearly stumbled over each other in attempt to get outside, eyes combing through the crowd of people. 

"Guys, I see Bellamy and Clarke!" Harper shouted, pointing to the near distance. 

"Wait, wait, is that Murphy?!" Monty exclaimed. 

"Who's the girl with him?" Jasper asked, brow furrowing. 

"I don't care, come on!" Raven said, running over to where Bellamy and Clarke were walking up. 

"It's so good to see you. Alive," she chuckled, and Clarke grinned, wrapping her in a hug.

"It's good to see you too, Raven," Clarke replied, before Raven gave Bellamy a hug hello as well. 

"Who did we leave behind?" Raven sighed as she pulled away from Bellamy. 

"Not many. Pike is dead," Bellamy replied flatly. 

"Octavia did it," Clarke added, and Bellamy scoffed, before walking away.

"What's his problem?" Raven inquired, watching him go.

"Just some drama between him and Octavia," Clarke said, before turning back to Raven.

"Everyone okay here?" she asked.

"There were a few hitches in the plan, but we're all okay," Raven nodded.

"Good."

Meanwhile, across the courtyard, other reunions were taking place.

"John Murphy. How could it be?" Jasper chuckled, approaching Murphy.

"I'm a survivor," Murphy shrugged and smiled smugly. "How're ya doin'? Take anymore arrows to the chest lately?" 

Jasper smiled and shook his head, "Not exactly. So are you sticking around this time?"

Murphy shrugged, draping an arm over Emori's shoulders. "I'll be wherever she is."


	3. Recovery

One Day After- The First Night

Bellamy ran his hands through his hair, relishing in the feeling of the hot water slightly burning his skin, and leaving a tingly sensation behind. It'd been much longer than he wanted to admit since he'd last bathed, and to finally be clean felt amazing.  
For the first time in a very long time, Bellamy was able to relax and decompress. He pushed away the lingering thoughts of his wayward sister, and forced himself to be unconcerned with her whereabouts, or anybody else's for that matter.  
He just focused on the rush of water that was flowing down and across his skin, and every other tangible thought had soon evaporated from his worn-down mind.  
For a few short moments, he was allowed to wander to a place where he wasn't broken and beaten down. He was allowed to drift back into a place of warmth, and comfort. Happiness. He was allowed to forget every mistake he'd made, every wrong word he'd ever uttered, and every person he'd killed. For a few short moments, Bellamy finally allowed himself to breathe, to be temporarily forgiven.   
Forgiveness was hard for him.  
Bellamy turned off the water and dried himself off, before finally putting on a clean pair of underwear. He trudged into his cramped little room to which he'd been assigned all of those months ago, and went over to the bed. He slid between the thin blankets and audibly sighed. His wet hair began to slightly pool water atop of his pillow, but he was too exhausted to hardly even notice or care. His muscles were aching and cramping, thirsting for some long overdue rest. His body was quenched for sleep, for time to recuperate and repair itself. He had countless cuts and scrapes, and various bruises trailing up and down his body. There wasn't a single part of his body that didn't hurt, but it still felt glorious to get to lay down for a while. Bellamy hoped that nobody would interrupt his time of peace, and with that, he finally drifted off into a much-needed state of passive sleep.   
|||||  
Abby sat with Kane in the chancellor's office, her heart feeling heavier than she had ever thought was possible. They sat on the floor together.   
Kane was weeping like somebody that had absolutely no hope, and Abby was doing everything she could to help him. However, she knew deep down that she could not make this better for him. The pain of his guilt and remorse was just something that he'd have to deal with, likely for many months to come. And even though this made Abby's heart ache down to its absolute core, she knew there still wasn't anything should could do to fix him. So instead, she did what she could to at least ease some of the pain, to numb if. She sat beside him, her arms wrapped snugly around his waist, and with her head pressed firmly into the spot between his shoulder and chest. His sobs wracked through his body in a seemingly painful manner, and she held on for dear life. Maybe if she just held him tight enough, she could keep him from shaking apart. Maybe if she just held him tight enough, he would feel safe again.   
"Tell me what I can do. Please let me help," Abby whispered, tightly holding onto the fabric of his worn out t-shirt.   
It took Marcus a few moments to respond.   
"Just be here," he managed to reply. He shifted, pulling Abby toward him. She readjusted herself and climbed into his lap, his chin resting on top of her head. Marcus's arms wound around her, holding her impossibly close to himself.   
They stayed that way for quite a while, although they didn't realize that time was passing. It was as if they were frozen in time, too enveloped in the moment to realize how fleeting it was.   
It was only when Abby drifted off to sleep that Marcus realized the sense of time passing. He gathered himself as best as he could and picked her up, walking out the door, down the short corridor, and into his room. There, he gently rested her on the left side of the bed, and he wondered briefly if that would become her permanent side. He was too tired to consider this thought further.   
So, he laid down beside her and pulled the blankets up and around the both of them. Watching her peaceful slumber filled Marcus with a rare sense of tranquility, and while clinging to that foreign feeling, his heavy eyelids finally gave out, and he fell into a dreamless sleep.   
|||||  
Clarke sat alone in the room she had deserted many months ago. It appeared to have been left untouched and uninhabited since she'd last used it.   
She stared blankly at the metal wall in front of her, and tried unsuccessfully to rid her brain of all thoughts, and of all pain.   
She'd suffered too much loss to let all of the pain in one time. She was so terrified that if she let herself feel it, she might never come back from it. That she might not ever recover.   
To even think of her dead lover's name nearly pushed her to the edge.   
She wanted to be comforted and distracted, but it was at this yearning that she realized how completely alone she was. Who was left that truly cared for her in that special, deep, unconditional way? Who was there to wipe her tears and tell her that everything would be okay? Who was there to take charge when she couldn't bear the weight of all responsibility anymore? Who was there to forgive her? To let her know that she doesn't have to carry every bad thing she's done on her shoulder for all of eternity? The answer is nobody. Nobody was there.  
The cold loneliness uncomfortably settled in Clarke's stomach like a ton of bricks. It was a persistent and agitating feeling; one that didn't go away no matter how much she tried to fight and ignore it.   
She curled up on the bed, and the tears that were pooling in her eyes finally spilled over, and down onto her cheeks. She ached, but not so much in a physical way. The two wounds below her collar bone stung as she remembered the past few days' events, and how the wounds had come to be there.   
While being overwhelmed with a complete sense of terrifying solitude, Clarke Griffin eventually cried herself to sleep.   
||||  
Jasper, Raven, Harper, and Monty decided not to separate that night. They spread out blankets next to one another in the floor of the computer room to sleep, longing for that sense of human closeness.   
Jasper rolled over to face Raven, who's face he could just barely make out in the dimly-lit room.   
She appeared to be asleep, and her eyelashes cascaded small shadows across the rest of her face. Jasper smiled to himself and closed his eyes. His only hope at achieving a wink of sleep was to begin with positive thoughts.   
Beside them, Harper laid curled up into Monty's side. With a protective arm around his girl, Monty slept peacefully.  
|||||  
Murphy and Emori slept in the common area, seeing as Murphy had no place here that was to call his own. The closest thing that he had to a home was the drop ship, after all.   
Emori was rather fond of always touching Murphy whenever she could. Murphy believed that she had these tendencies just because he was "hot", but truthfully she just did it because she never knew when she might lose him again. So, that night, she slept with both arms around him, and one of her legs across part of his torso and the rest of his lower body for good measure.   
Nobody was hurting her boy, and even while she was sleeping, she made sure of that.   
|||||  
The people residing in Arkadia soaked up every ounce of sleep they could that night. The majority of them had this terrible nagging feeling that their struggle fight wasn't quite over. But, that was something to be dealt with tomorrow.


	4. Chapter 4

Two Days After

Marcus woke long before Abby did. Groggy from his sixteen hours worth of sleep, he dressed and readied himself for a busy, purpose-driven day. He caught a final glimpse of Abby before managing to make his way to the door. She was still curled up in the bed as he had left her, and was sleeping peacefully.

Marcus stood in the doorway for a few short moments, trying to fight off the urge to join her back in the warmth and comfort their bed. He met his temptations halfway by going over and leaving a kiss on her forehead. He pulled the blankets up to her neck, and reluctantly left before he had time to change his mind. 

He entered the Chancellor's office and finally allowed himself an observant look around. He hadn't paid close attention to the room the previous night due to the steady flow of tears that refused to leave his eyes. 

There were gaps in his memory due to the minor panic attack he had to suffer through. Nut, he still remembered Abby and her gentle hold on him clearly, and the memory warmed his previously hardened heart.

The room hadn't changed all that much since the time in which it'd belonged to him. The only major difference to be found by the naked eye was the sheer disorganization of the place. Papers were scattered across the twin desks, and every random item under the sun filled the other spaces: loaded magazines, pens, ration wrappers, empty alcohol bottles left from the Ark, and a couple of pocket knives.

Kane rolled his eyes in disgust at Pike's unclean and terribly muddled method of "organization", and grabbed a trash can to begin cleaning up. He had no interest in any of Pike's previous ideas or plans, so he discarded all files and papers carelessly. 

While clearing out the garbage, something shiny caught the corner of his eye. He shook his head and grinned to himself as he held up the Chancellor's pin for examination. Its condition was far from its original state, but he fastened it to the left side of his chest, and above his heart any way. 

Even though his mentality was in a state of corruption, Kane knew what he needed to do. It was his duty to finally lead these people in a fair and rightful way. 

A revolution was coming. And Kane was hell-bent on leading it.

|||||

The common area was filled and bustling with life that morning. Friends reunited, lovers shared kisses, and families held on another close. There wasn't anymore crying; it seemed that most were choosing to celebrate the lives saved, rather than mourn the lives lost. 

"What do you think comes next?" Murphy asked the group of friends that resided at the table with him. 

"We all become avid day-drinkers," Raven joked, biting into the fresh apple that she was holding.

"Become? I've been a day-drinker for months now," Jasper snickered, ironically taking a drink of water. 

"I don't really get why you guys are so concerned with 'what comes next.' Who's to say that something has to come next? I think we've earned a few months of down-time," Raven remarked and Murphy shrugged his shoulders.

"We haven't had a single bit of down-time since we landed on this hell-hole. History repeats itself...That's all I'm saying," Murphy retorted, holding his hands up in a defensive manner.

Across the table, Monty threw down his measly bag of dried bananas. 

"Listen, I think we should all think positive thoughts," he said, a tint of worry lining his words.

"Do you believe that thinking positively will cause your hopes and prospects to become reality?" Emori piped up.

Everyone in the group turned to look at her out of shock; she hadn't done anything more but lean her head against Murphy's shoulder for the entirety of breakfast.

"Not necessarily...But it doesn't hurt to have a good attitude," Monty replied timidly, hiding behind his wretched banana chips. 

"I suppose you're right," Emori said indifferently, leaning back into Murphy's side. 

"Speaking of positive things-" Harper began, before being interrupted by a flash of blonde hair. 

"Hey guys," Clarke greeted the group, doing her best to plaster on a convincing smile. 

"Hi, Clarke..." Murphy greeted her slyly, and an uncomfortable silence settled over the table. Clarke looked over at Jasper who smiled awkwardly before dropping his eyes. 

"Um, do you want to sit down?" Raven offered politely, gesturing to the empty chair that was on the other side of Jasper. 

Clarke eyed the seat for a moment, unsure of whether or not she was truly welcome there. All eyes were on her, and the group waited intently, wondering why she was hesitating so much. 

Finally, she sat down in the seat, and allowed a small smile. 

"So how's everybody doing?" she asked, hoping to quickly fill the growing violent silence. 

"Alright," Harper shrugged, irritated that she had been interrupted just because Clarke entered the room. She was tired, as many were, of everybody bowing at Clarke's alter. 

Clarke nodded, unsure of what else to say. When everyone continued to remain silent, a bad feeling formed in the pit of Clarke's stomach.

"Am I interrupting something?" she asked. Jasper shifted in his seat beside her.

"Yes, actually, you kind of are," he answered dryly, crossing his arms. Clarke retreated as if somebody had just punched her square in the face. 

"Oh. Blunt," she muttered, before pushing back her chair and standing up. "I'll catch the rest of you later."

They all watched as she walked away, doing nothing to reach out and stop her. 

"Dude, what's with the cold shoulder?" Raven asked, narrowing her eyes at Jasper.

"Don't act like you aren't at least a little bit pissed at her. She's given us all reason to be mad at her," Jasper shot back, shrugging off Raven's comment, and standing up. "I don't bow to Clarke Griffin, and you all shouldn't either."

|||||

Bellamy really didn't want to go down to breakfast. 

Sure, he was famished and severely dehydrated; it wasn't that he didn't need or want breakfast. Bellamy wasn't quite ready to put on a brave face, and be in front of people just yet. Whether he liked it or not, he was a significant role model in the lives of many Arkadian residents, and he didn't feel he was in a proper mental state to provide a positive example to the rest of them. 

However, he was feeling determined and ready to work, so once he roused and dressed himself, he marched right down to Kane's office. Before he could talk himself out of it, he knocked on the door.

"Come in," Kane called from the inside. Bellamy entered and stood before Kane's neatly organized desk. Kane was browsing over some papers, a pen in one hand, and a cup of some kind of drink in the other. 

"Ah, Bellamy. What brings you here?" Marcus asked, setting down his mug. 

"Did Clarke tell you what she learned from ALIE before she shut the program down?" Bellamy practically threw up the words. 

Marcus's eyebrows furrowed and he stood up from his desk chair.

"What are you talking about?" he said, his voice low and daring.

"Call her down here, now. This fight...It's not over."


	5. I Know I'm To Blame

Octavia and Indra sat next to one another in the cold, damp cave. They'd been sitting in silence for at least an hour, but that didn't affect Indra's mastery in the skill of reading body language. Octavia was tense, hunched over, and quiet. Negative feelings and vibes were practically radiating off of her, and igniting the entire sitting space with harsh emotions. 

"You need to calm down. A warrior does not dwell on things of the past," Indra said calmly, slowly sharpening her sword with a rock.

"This isn't a thing of the past," Octavia said flatly, and continued to stare straight ahead.

"Pike is dead. You got your revenge. It's over," Indra countered.

"But, it's not over," Octavia snapped, turning around to face Indra.

"Yes, it is."

"Just because Pike is dead doesn't mean that this is over. Lincoln is dead."

"And that's something you're going to have to learn to deal with. People die in this world, and sometimes, getting revenge is all you can do about it. A warrior doesn't let petty issues stand in her way," Indra replied curtly, before standing up, and fastening her sword back to her pelt.

"Lincoln dying is a "petty issue"?" Octavia scoffed, standing up so that she could meet Indra's eyes.

"No, but you holding a grudge against somebody you've already killed is," Indra said smoothly, giving the young warrior a stern look of disapproval, before leaving the cave.

|||||

"Where's Clarke?" Bellamy's eyes were sorting through the large room of people, but he wasn't having much luck with his mission.

"I haven't seen her," a random Arkadian replied. Bellamy groaned, growing frustrated at the fact that he couldn't find her. He hated the feeling of not knowing where she was, or at least who she was with. He'd always hated that feeling, even from the moment they first met on the ground. Even when they practically despised each other, he still constantly found himself concerned with her whereabouts. That feeling of being overprotective only grew as their relationship did, and the worry nearly drowned him these days.

Just as Bellamy was about to give up on searching through the dining hall, he saw Harper.

"Hey, sorry, but have you seen Clarke?" Bellamy asked, grabbing Harper's elbow in order to get her to notice him.

Harper only slightly rolled her eyes, but the attitude was clear enough in her face that Bellamy noticed it.

"What was that?" Bellamy asked, narrowing his eyes at Harper. She scoffed and her jerked her elbow out of his grasp.

"Are you mad at me or something?" Bellamy asked, crossing his arms.

"I'm fine. I don't know where Clarke is though," Harper shrugged indifferently, before trying to turn around and walk away. She was unsuccessful in her attempt, because Bellamy reached out and grabbed her shoulder.

"What's your problem?" he asked again. Harper used to be a friend of his, and he truly wanted to understand why she was suddenly acting so cold toward him. It really wasn't something he'd ever seen her do before.

"I said I'm fine. Look for her somewhere else," Harper said through gritted teeth, before removing herself from his hold once again.

Bellamy stood there alone for a moment, taken aback by the interaction he'd just had. His feelings were slightly hurt, and truthfully, he couldn't recall a single thing he'd done that would cause Harper, of all people, to hold a grudge at him.

Despite all of these things though, he knew it was important to focus on the task at hand. Finding Clarke.

He left the common area and went outside, hoping to find her there. 

"Clarke?" he called out in another unsuccessful attempt to find her. 

He didn't know what else to do, so he just began knocking on every door, and looking behind ever corner. Maybe his behavior could've been perceived as extreme, but she had previously left him one too many times. That trust he used to have in her still hadn't been completely restored, and it would take Bellamy a very long time to be okay with everything she'd done. No, actually, he'd never be completely okay with it. He would never be able to fully accept the ways that she'd abandoned him, hurt him, and used him. But, with time, he knew he could overcome the bad taste in his mouth. He knew with some work, and some time, he could make those bad feelings cease to exist. And that was something he desperately wanted. He wanted to look at Clarke and see nothing but the positive traits about her. He just wanted to see a pretty girl with blonde hair, an excellent leader, and a dear friend. He didn't want to see a traitor, a liar, or a cheater. 

He wanted to offer full, complete, generous forgiveness. 

Just not yet. 

"Clarke?" he called out once more.

"Bellamy?" her voice replied, and he watched as she emerged from behind a tree. 

"What's wrong?" he couldn't help but ask once he noticed how her face looked blotchy, and was streaked with tears.

"What isn't?" she whispered, diverting her eyes away from him. 

"Clarke."

"They hate me. They all hate me, and I don't want to care, but I do. I care, Bellamy. I care too much, that's my problem. I cared too much about the 100, and that's why I ended up in charge with you. I cared too much about Charlotte, and she jumped off of a cliff. I cared too much about Finn, and he cheated on me. I cared too much about Finn again, and he got himself killed because he was looking for me! I cared too much about you, but then I cared too much about what Lexa thought, and I sent you into Mount Weather anyway. I cared too much about myself and I left you, and everyone else here alone. No wonder they don't want to have anything to do with me. They won't even look me in the eyes," Clarke was whispering by the time she finished her speech, and tears threatened to spill down her cheeks once again.

"Clarke-"

"You can't make everything better by saying my name over and over again."

"I'm looking at you right now," he said simply.

"What?"

"I'm looking you in the eyes."

Clarke blinked, and couldn't stop that tears that finally allowed themselves to flow down her face. 

"Thank you, Bellamy."

There was a lot more Bellamy wanted to say in that moment, and there was plenty more he wanted to get off of his chest. Given the chance, he would go for it, but now wasn't the right time. 

"I need you to come with me," Bellamy replied, ignoring her thanks.

"Why?"

"You need to tell Kane everything you know," he replied, a hint of urgency lining his voice. They'd waiting long enough to relay the information up the chain of command.

"I can't do this now. I'm not ready," she complained wearily, turning away.

"That's not fair!" Bellamy shouted, surprisingly not only Clarke, but himself as well. 

"What?" Clarke replied quietly, turning back around to face him. Bellamy breathed, and tried to gather his scattering thoughts. 

It then became clear to him that now was the time to set her straight. He'd been holding it all in for too long. 

"You don't get to just shut down because you aren't ready. I don't care what you've "been through" lately, because you don't even have a clue what I've been through. I'm over the fact that you left me here the first time, but I'm still mad that you spent all of that time in Polis, only giving a damn about yourself and Lexa. You're selfish, and you make yourself feel better by telling yourself that all of your decisions are made to benefit the greater good. The only difference between me and the guys inside that won't see you, is the fact that I'm not afraid to put you in your place. They have a reason to be furious at you, and that's something that you're going to have to deal with by yourself. I care about you, Clarke, I really do, but I'm tired of remaining silent about the way I feel. I don't care if you're "not ready." You are going to come with me to Kane's office, and you are going to tell him everything you know. End of discussion."


	6. Grip Tight to Your Youth

Octavia trekked through the woods, swiftly bypassing assorted elements of nature that got in her way. She was feeling strangely determined, and nothing, not even the crippling grief she felt, was going to stand in her way. 

Octavia was going back to Arkadia, because there were too many things that still remained open-ended. Lincoln was dead, and no matter how much she hated that simple fact, there wasn't anything she could to do change it. But, she could carry out revenge for her dead lover, and she could make damn sure that things actually changed her around here. 

Because underneath the hard shell of anger, Octavia was desperately sad. All she wanted to see her lover again. She wanted to feel that sense of safety and peace. Lincoln was her home.

And that home was ripped away from her, and killed right in front of her. 

Even though Pike was dead, the burden of her anger and sadness was heavier than ever, and deep down, she realized that killing Pike didn't make her feel any better. She didn't regret ending his life, because he deserved that. Justice was served, and that was the right thing for Octavia. 

But she still felt angry, lost, hurt, confused, and most of all, incredibly alone. She no longer could trust her own brother, and the sting of his loss was sharper than she'd imagined it would be. She didn't want to go crawling back to Bellamy, just because she felt a little afraid. She wanted him to suffer loss, to feel what she felt, and she had her sights set on following through with this.

Octavia was no longer concerned by the feelings of anybody else. This was about her now, and nothing was going to get in her way. 

|||||

Bellamy and Clarke didn't exchange another word on the way to Kane's office. Bellamy glanced over at her several times, and he noticed that her eyes had become red and puffy again. He forced himself to look away and not feel bad about what he'd said to her. Clarke needed to hear the truth, and she needed to hear it from him. They would get past this eventually, and he truly believed that that conversation was the first step in the right direction. 

Bellamy and Clarke entered Kane's office, and Kane quickly stood up from his desk chair. 

"Clarke," he nodded. 

"I found out something before I shut ALIE off," Clarke said abruptly, bypassing all polite greetings. 

"Keep talking," Bellamy said.

"This world isn't going to last much longer."

"What do you mean by that?" Marcus crossed his arms. 

"Physically, the Earth will not be survivable," Clarke explained quietly.

"What are you saying?" Marcus asked, a sense of urgency filling his voice, his body tensing up.

"In three months time, we won't be able to live here anymore."

Marcus then stood up straight, his eyes growing wide and his mouth growing dry. 

"And you didn't feel that this was something you needed to share?!" He snapped, the veins in his neck straining themselves. 

"I'm sorry. I didn't want to face the situation. Everybody was exhausted and somewhat relieved...I didn't want to take away all of their hope," Clarke refused to meet Kane's gaze. 

"I am not everybody else. I am in charge here, and dammit Clarke, I am responsible for these people's safety! What would you have done if I hadn't sent Bellamy after you?" Marcus glared angrily at the girl while internally trying to calm himself down. 

"I-I made the wrong decision. It won't happen again," Clarke swallowed her pride and apologized sincerely. She knew she was wrong to withhold information of that magnitude from Marcus. 

"May I kindly remind you, Clarke, you aren't in charge here anymore. And neither are you, Bellamy," Marcus glanced over at Bellamy who was standing behind Clarke before continuing to speak, "I appreciate all that the two of you have done for this civilization, but the reigns have been handed to me, and I expect you both to respect that. I still want the two of you involved in the management of this community, but we can't be keeping secrets from one another. 

"No more running off and making your own plans. No more directing people to help you without consulting me first. And no more constantly risking your lives for the sake of everyone else. I hope I'm not coming off too harsh; I'm only instructing you to do this because I care about you both."

"Understood, Sir," Bellamy nodded in agreement. Marcus slightly smiled at Bellamy before shifting his eyes down to Clarke. He raised his eyebrows at her.

"Understood," Clarke replied, still not meeting his eyes. 

Even though Clarke knew deep down that Marcus really should be the one directing everything, part of her still wanted to disagree. The thought of not being in control of what was going to happen partially scared her, but also relieved her at the same time. Because she couldn't decide which feeling was more prominent, she decided it was wise to agree with him for the time being, and wait to see what was to come in the future. 

"Great. Now that we have that taken care of, we need to get to work. Clarke, I want you to summon Abby. Bellamy, stay here," Kane ordered kindly, and Clarke complied, swiftly exiting the room. 

Bellamy quietly sat down on one of the chairs. "Is there a reason you didn't send me with her?" he asked curiously. 

"I want to see if she will follow orders," Marcus answered simply, sitting down behind his desk.

"It's not exactly hard for her to bring her mother to your office," Bellamy countered lightly, leaning back into his chair.

"Maybe not for most people, but Clarke has a history of running away when she decides she can't handle things anymore...You of all people should know that."

"What does that mean?" Bellamy asked, slightly narrowing his eyebrows.

"Bellamy, I have eyes, and I use them. I saw how you were when she disappeared for three months. You told me back then that it didn't matter, but why did you get drunk all of the time? What about the stunt you pulled earlier? Dressing up as a grounder just to save her?" Kane pressed.

"I would've done that for anyone," Bellamy replied quietly, bypassing Kane's first comment about his drinking after she left. 

"I don't know that you would."

"Don't tell me how I feel, Marcus," Bellamy said sternly, unsure of why he felt so hot all of the sudden. 

"If you care about Clarke, why don't you just confess that to her? What good does it do to ignore how you know you truly feel?" 

"Marcus-"

"It's obvious, and she could probably use something positive in her life. I don't understand why you won't simply admit how you feel. Be a man," Kane continued to press, and Bellamy reached his breaking point.

"Because she doesn't love me back!" 

And in that moment, Bellamy realized what he'd just admitted, right as Clarke entered the room with Abby beside her.


	7. Not Today

"What are you guys talking about?" Clarke demanded suddenly, throwing herself into the midst of Kane and Bellamy's intense, and loud, conversation. 

Bellamy was frozen in that moment, his eyes wide while staring at Clarke, who was only a few feet away from him. Kane didn't offer up any information to her either, as he wasn't sure what to say or do. 

Abby stood beside Clarke, confused as ever, quietly eyeing everyone in the room, looking for clues as to why there was so much awkward tension. 

"Hello?" Clarke spoke again, waving her arms at the two men who still hadn't moved since she entered the room. 

"Uh-um," Kane stuttered while widening his eyes at Bellamy. However, Bellamy still didn't say anything. He merely cleared his throat and stood up, trying his hardest to compose himself. 

"I need to go. It's about time for me to run my patrol rounds," he said quietly, refusing to make eye contact with anybody. He stood up, and attempted to exit the room. However, Clarke blocked his path before he had the chance to leave. 

"Marcus has granted us a few weeks off from regular citizen work," Clarke said sternly, crossing her arms over her chest. 

Bellamy visibly gulped, and turned back around to give Kane a pleading glance. 

"Bellamy insisted that he was fine to work, so I gave him permission to do so," Marcus replied uneasily, doing his best to not look guilty. He didn't like lying, but this wasn't his secret to tell. He wanted Bellamy to continue to trust and confide in him, and by telling Clarke the truth about what they were discussing would be an act of betrayal toward Bellamy. 

Clarke eyed Marcus for a moment, before moving out of Bellamy's way without another word. Bellamy awkwardly smiled and nodded his head politely in Abby's direction before fast-walking out of the room. 

Clarke watched as he went, even more confused and curious than she was before. She yearned to know whom they had been discussing. Who doesn't love him back? Why was he talking about something like that with Kane of all people? 

She knew it wasn't her business, but that didn't stop the aching curiosity she felt. And she was set on getting to the bottom of it, one way or another. 

|||||

Bellamy breathed in the cold, fresh air as he made his rounds around the gates. Even though he had successfully lied his way out of the previous situation, he still hadn't been able to calm himself down. He felt clammy and sweaty at the same time, he stomach felt queasy, and his hands had been slightly shaking ever since he left the room. 

He wanted to do something, to hit someone, to yell, scream, cry, or rant. He didn't even know why he felt this way, he just knew he was frustrated, angry, upset, and sad all at the same time. 

Why did he think it was okay to say something like that out loud? He had confessed his feelings for Clarke to Marcus, and yet he still couldn't even mentally understand what all of that meant. Without even thinking about it, he simply blurted out that he was in love with her. 

But, why didn't he feel relieved? Why did he feel even more stressed than he did before? Why did he feel more worried and awkward about it all? 

And what would happen if Clarke figured out they were talking about her? What is Kane told Abby, and Abby told Clarke? 

Bellamy stopped in his tread and sat down on the grass. A few people passing by gave him a strange look, but he couldn't be bothered to care. All of the sudden he felt feverish again, and he couldn't find the strength to get up and keep walking. 

He had to undo this. He didn't know exactly what he was going to do, but he needed to talk to Clarke. He needed to make something up, or tell her a cheap lie, because she could never find out the truth. All it would do is ruin their friendship and the thick bond of trust they were working on rebuilding. Clarke wasn't ready for anything like this, and if she was, Bellamy honestly didn't think that his feelings for her were mutual. 

The truth of this brought him physical pain, and remembered all over again how it felt to have his heart broken. 

He would continue on, suffering in silence, and act like everything was okay. He would get over her eventually, and find somebody new. At least, he hoped and prayed this was the case. 

He sucked in another deep breath and closed his eyes for a short moment, trying to quickly regain his sanity before anybody else noticed him on the ground. After counting to thirty, he decided he was stable again, and opened his eyes. 

"Bellamy?"

Bellamy froze and slowly lifted his gaze to the person standing before him. 

Raven. 

He let out a sigh of relief and managed to pick himself up and off the ground.

"What are you doing?" She asked, one eyebrow raised at him. 

"I just felt sick of all of the sudden," he explained, his cheeks slightly turning pink in embarrassment. 

"You should go and see Abby. Now," Raven exclaimed, pointing at the med building. 

"No, I'm fine now," Bellamy shook off her obvious concern, and started to walk away.

As expected, Raven followed him.

"Are you sure? If there's another virus going around we need to catch it now," Raven insisted. 

"I said I'm fine," Bellamy barked, and Raven recoiled. They both stopped walking.

"What is your problem?" she asked, irritation obvious in her voice. 

"I've got a lot going on in my head right now, okay? I need to be left alone," Bellamy replied, his voice softer this time.

Raven didn't even reply.

"Look, I'm sorry, okay? I'm having a rough day, that's all," he sighed, kicking at the dirt below him. 

"We've all been "having a rough day" for the past six months. You shouldn't push your friends away," Raven said quietly, looking away from him. 

"I know."

"Then what's going on?" she demanded. 

"Nothing. I'll get over it," Bellamy offered a small smile, and walked away again.

Except this time, nobody bothered to follow him.


	8. Flashback Shake Me, Nightmares Wake Me

"Jasper, what are you doing?" Monty asked, ice cold fear flowing into his veins. 

"I'm sitting," Jasper replied, a blank look consuming his face. Jasper was sitting on the roof of the med building with his legs dangling over the side. It looked like Jasper, but it didn't seem like Jasper. It was as if he was completely absent from his mind in that pitiful moment.

"Why are you sitting so close to the edge?" Monty tried to remain calm, and he slowly inched forward to where Jasper was sitting. Monty had come up onto the roof to get some fresh air, and try to clear his head. He went up there whenever Harper was unavailable. She had become his rock, his safe place, his refuge. But, she was on the job right now, and Monty couldn't seek out her comfort. So, he went onto the roof to try and gain some much-needed perspective, and that's when he saw his friend recklessly sitting entirely too close to the edge. 

"I'm thinking," Jasper said, his speech slurring in a way that made Monty even more concerned for his broken friend.

"Are you drunk?" Monty asked urgently, getting even closer to where Jasper had sat himself. 

"No."

"Then why are you slurring your words?" Monty countered, crossing his arms. 

"I haven't slept in three days." Jasper said wearily, fidgeting.

"What? Why not?" Monty exclaimed, now standing right behind Jasper.

"Because if I go to sleep, I have nightmares. And if I have nightmares, I remember every terrible thing that has ever happened to me. I see it all again, clear as day. I see myself getting speared through the chest. I see Finn getting stabbed. I see Maya dying in my arms. I can't h-handle it, I c-can't do this," Jasper stuttered uneasily, continuing to fidget uncomfortably. 

Monty sighed, heart feeling overwhelmed with compassion for his hurting friend. 

"Jasper...You should've come to me sooner. I have nightmares like that too, and they hurt, and they terrorize me, and they eat away at me. But, when I wake up, Harper is always there to talk me down, and offer words of comfort. You need to talk to somebody. It could be me, or Raven, or Bellamy, or anybody at all. But, if you keep everything bottled up inside, it's going to continue to fester, and you'll never be able to fully recover," Monty explained gently, silently praying that Jasper would gain some peace from his advice.

"I-It's j-just s-so h-hard t-to b-be o-okay s-sometimes," Jasper began to cry, and Monty could practically feel the negative energy radiating around him. Monty sat down beside his friend, and set a hand on his shoulder. 

"I know, buddy. I know."

And Monty sat there until Jasper's emotions evened out, and then gently coaxed his friend down from the edge.

|||||

A few days had passed since Bellamy's accidental confession to Kane, and no repercussions had yet occurred. 

Bellamy started his days with knots in his stomach, wondering if Clarke was going to approach him about what she overheard. The thought if it made him sick, because whatever happened, he could absolutely could not tell Clarke the truth. He hated lying to her, especially since they were working so hard to rebuild the trust that they once shared. Lying to her made him feel like a disgusting human-being, and he already had plenty of self-hatred to deal with. 

Between the drama with Clarke, worrying about his missing sister, and struggling with his inner demons, Bellamy was at his breaking-point, and he didn't know how to handle it. Something was going to have to give, because he knew he couldn't go on feeling this forever. He needed a confidant, somebody who he could fully trust, so that he could vent until his heart didn't feel so heavy. 

And as he sat on guard early that morning, he pondered and perused his options. 

There was Clarke, who would surely understand how deep the wounds in his heart went when it came to his guilt from the war, but he clearly couldn't vent to her about the other issues; his feelings for her. Despite the fact that he desperately wanted to open up to her and build their relationship, he knew that Clarke wasn't going to be a viable option. This, he wasn't happy about. 

There was Raven, who he knew would willingly listen to his problems, but he didn't feel it was very fair to dump them on her, seeing as she had had to deal with problems that were equivalent to his own. She had been through just as much as she had; losing Finn, being tortured, losing the use of her leg, losing Wick, and much more. How was it fair for Bellamy to complain to her about his deep-rooted issues, when she had many of her own? It wasn't fair at all, and he realized that she wasn't a viable candidate either. Not because she wasn't trustworthy enough, but simply because she wasn't in a mental state to be able to take on any more negativity, and this was something that Bellamy not only recognized, but sincerely understood. 

And then there was Marcus, who was older, wiser, and somebody that he was beginning to view as a father figure. Marcus would understand his problems, and be able to give him advice, as he had done in the past. Marcus had proven himself trustworthy, seeing as how he covered for Bellamy with the Clarke issue. Marcus could help him, Bellamy decided, and suddenly he didn't feel so lost anymore.


	9. It Only Hurts if You Make it Hurt

Clarke's mother was completely caught up to speed on what had been learned from ALIE. And after carefully discussing the entire situation with Marcus, they came to a consensus that both Bellamy and Clarke should be excluded from the conversation from here on out.

"They're going to be angry when they find out," Abby said hesitantly, removing herself from the chair she was sitting in, beginning to pace around Kane's office.

"Yes, they will be. But, you're Clarke's mother, and Bellamy is like a son to me. It's up to us to decide what's best for them," Marcus argued softly.

"But they aren't kids anymore, Marcus. They've done more for our people than we have," Abby pointed out, continuing to slowly pace around the room.

"You're right. But, don't you think they deserve a chance to rest? Abby, they've been carrying the weight of everything that has happened on their shoulders since they first landed on the ground. Every person that has died, all the blood that's been shed, every relationship that fell apart; ultimately Bellamy and Clarke are carrying all of that. And that's not fair. We can't change the past, but we can exclude them from the present," Marcus crossed his arms, and Abby knew couldn't argue the subject any farther. She knew he was right.

"Fine. We'll keep them out of this for now," Abby agreed, letting out a sigh.

Marcus watched Abby carefully as she continued to pace across his office, frowning at the obvious stress she was feeling. He hated seeing her suffering through emotional turmoil, and he hated it even more when he felt like there wasn't much of anything he could do about it. They hadn't really talked about everything that had happened, and there had been no tears since the first night they returned from Polis. He wasn't sure where she stood mentally, and that bothered him.

He stood up and bridged the space between them, grabbing her arm.

"Are you okay?" he asked softly. Abby met his eyes, but he couldn't read her.

"Everything has just been too much lately," she whispered, and Marcus's heart ached. He carefully pulled her against him, wrapping his arms tightly around her.

"I know."

"And everything seems to keep getting worse."

"I know."

"Marcus?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm scared."

"I am too."

|||||

It'd been nearly a week since Clarke accidentally interrupted Bellamy during his mysterious confession to Kane, and she still hadn't been able to tame her burning curiosity about the entire exchange. And on top of that, Bellamy had barely spoken to her since that day. It didn't exactly feel like he was ignoring her, but he wasn't actively seeking her out like she was used to him doing. He didn't strike up conversations with her anymore, and he was always running off, claiming that he had to work. If she was being honest with herself, these simple facts really bothered her, but she couldn't put her finger on why this bothered her.

Perhaps it was because she was aching with loneliness, and Bellamy was the only person besides her mother and Kane that seemed to still care about her. She knew that at the end of the day, Bellamy would still be there. Maybe she was missing the security of knowing that he was looking out for her. Maybe she was just frustrated because she desperately wanted to know who his love confession was about.

These thoughts flew around Clarke's mind constantly, for an entire week, before she'd finally had enough.

It was around dinner time, and so Clarke made her way to the dining area, figuring that Bellamy would be around somewhere. She spotted him about twenty feet from her, sitting alone.

Target acquired, she grinned to herself as she walked up behind him.

She was about to call out his name when she realized that he was looking down, seemingly concentrating on something. As she sneaked up behind him, she was able to tell that he was writing in a notebook.

Should I look at what he's writing? That's totally wrong, isn't it? Ah! But what if he's writing about the secret girl he's in love with? No, Clarke! You can't read someone else's notebook! But, I really want to...

Clarke managed to get a bit closer, peering over his shoulder. She only saw a few words before he seemed to notice her presence, slamming the notebook shut, causing her to jump.

He turned around to see who was standing behind him, and Clarke smiled guiltily.

"Hey, Bellamy," she greeted him shyly. Not only was she beginning to feel about what she had done, but she was also extremely confused at what she had seen.

forget Clarke Griffin

"Hey," he cleared his throat, seemingly uncomfortable. All of Clarke's previous courage to confront him suddenly crumbled, as the more she thought about the words she saw, the more hurt she was. What had she done wrong this time?

"How are you? I feel like I haven't seen you lately," she replied, swallowing the lump that was forming in her throat. She couldn't handle him turning his back against her. Not at a time like this.

"I'm fine. You?" Bellamy replied curtly.

"Did I do something wrong?" Clarke asked suddenly, before she even had the change to mentally talk herself out of it.

"What?" Bellamy honestly seemed surprised by her question, eyebrows furrowing in confusion at her.

"Why have you been avoiding me lately? Are you still mad at me from before? Because I didn't want to talk to Kane?"

Bellamy's cheeks flushed, alarming Clarke even further. "I'm not avoiding you, Clarke," he said, but his response was weak. She didn't believe him.

"Bellamy, what is it? You can tell me if you're mad, okay? I'll listen to you, I promise. But, I can't stand you acting like this. Everybody else has been treating me like this, but at least you still had my back! Why are you being like this?!" She exclaimed, all of her emotions bubbling up at one time.

Bellamy was silent for a moment, but he didn't break eye contact with her. It seemed like he was contemplating something.

"I'm sorry, Clarke. I didn't mean to make you feel bad. I'm not upset with you at all, so don't worry about it." Bellamy allowed, but she felt like there was still something he wasn't saying.

"Are you really not going to tell me what's going on with you?" She pressed, craving answers.

"Please, just leave it alone for now. I'm not mad at you, I'm not ignoring you. I'm still here for you. So please, leave it alone," he pleaded softly with her, standing up, clutching his notebook in his hand.

And then Clarke said something that surprised them both, and that she instantly regretted.

"Why is my name in your notebook?"


	10. Can't You See That I'm Here?

"Why is my name in your notebook?" Clarke demanded suddenly, catching Bellamy entirely off guard. His cheeks turned a dark shade of crimson and he felt himself growing incredibly hot with emotion. Was he angry? Embarrassed? Both?

"How do you know that?" Bellamy asked in a low voice, trying to conceal his very strong emotions. He was angry. He was embarrassed. He was frustrated. But more than anything, he was scared. How was he going to talk himself out of this situation? Was there any lie he could spout to her that she would actually buy? Was there any story that he could spin that wouldn't end up hurting her even more? Out of all the confession scenarios that he had previously orchestrated within the confines and privacy of his poor mind, this was not something he had expected nor accounted for. 

"I saw you writing in it when I walked up," Clarke crossed her arms, narrowing her eyes at him. She seemed angry with him, which baffled Bellamy. She was the one that had put her eyes where they didn't belong! There are a reason notebooks and journals are personal! They're used as a form of expression for people so that feelings don't get hurt!

"You shouldn't have looked!" Bellamy exclaimed, full-on panic beginning to consume him. 

"I'm sorry I looked, okay! I am! But, that doesn't excuse what I saw!" She argued with him as blatant hurt filled her eyes. 

"Those were words you weren't meant to see, Clarke!" Bellamy's voice was suddenly cracking and he was shaking as he succumbed to the panic that was rising in his chest. 

"A-Are you crying?" Clarke wasn't shouting anymore. Her voice had become softer. 

Truthfully, Bellamy was crying. He didn't know how or when exactly the tears started flowing; all he knew in that moment was that he couldn't get them to stop. Clarke seemed to be alarmed by his extreme change in emotion, and she inched toward him. 

"Bellamy, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you this much. I-I don't understand why you're crying," Clarke began pleading, and it seemed as if she felt that her yelling had caused his tears. Bellamy desperately tried to regather himself, but for some reason, he kept finding himself frustratingly unable to do so. 

"Bellamy?" Clarke questioned him once again, perplexed at the route the conversation had gone down. He let the notebook fall to the ground as he covered his face with hands, embarrassed at the flow of tears and the ugly way his face was crinkled up from sobs. He sat back down on the chair he had previously been sitting in. Clarke pulled up a chair and sat directly in front of him, trying to make eye contact. 

"Please just go away," Bellamy breathed, forcefully trying to rub the tears off of his face once again. He was so close to his breaking point, and he could feel that. A few more nudges from an empathetic-looking Clarke, and Bellamy might just confess. A few more gestures of kindness, and he may not be able to contain himself any longer. And this was terrifying, because the last thing Bellamy wanted to do was confess the way he felt to Clarke. Because even though having an unrequited love hurt him terribly, he was afraid. Even though he was constantly holding back and choking on his own feelings, he didn't want to do the one thing that would relieve that burning pain; he was afraid. He was afraid of rejection, and loneliness, and he was afraid of losing her as a whole. Right now, she was there. She wasn't there for him how he wanted and needed her to be, but nonetheless she was there. He couldn't bear to think about what would happen if his confession sent her over the edge, and if she severed ties with him completely. 

"Talk to me," Clarke said softly, ignoring his plea. Bellamy's heart pounded even harder, and his breathing was continuing to accelerate rather than become softer. 

"I-I can't talk to you about this," Bellamy hicupped. Clarke furrowed her eyebrows at him. 

"Why? Can't you see that I'm here? You can tell me anything. I know there's something you want to say," it seemed like she was trying to reassure him. It was only making him feel worse, because there was something Bellamy wanted to say; something he'd been wanting to say for a long time coming.

/Stop! Stop looking at me like that! Stop caring! Stop being concerned about me! Stop asking me how I'm doing! Because right now, I'm in pain! And it's because of you! It's because of the way that you smile even when you're sad. And it's because of the way you put everybody else above yourself. And it's because of the way that your eyes become softer and they seem to twinkle when you look at me. And it's because of the way you watch out for me, and you care for me, and you keep my best interest at heart. The reason I'm hurting is because you care too much, but not in the way that I so desperately need you to! You seem to love me, but it's only as deep as a swimming pool. I love you, but it goes as deep as the ocean. You can't look at me like that, you can't say those things to me, you can't act like you care if you aren't all in! That's why I'm crying, Clarke. I'm crying because of you./

"I-I c-can't," Bellamy had never felt so broken and defeated. He was then filled with an overwhelming wave of regret and disgust at the way he had just behaved in front of her, and before he could think twice about it, he was up and out of his chair, running away from Clarke. Heads turned and people watched in confusion as Bellamy tore out of the courtyard, but he couldn't be bothered to care. He ran until he was in the confinement of his tiny room, feeling hated toward himself and everything that had just occurred. 

He was so bothered that he had accidentally left his notebook on the ground beside Clarke. And by the time he realized this, it was far too late.


	11. Love and Hate

Clarke sat and stared blankly at the notebook that was resting on the ground. She was bewildered at the way that Bellamy had just behaved, and quite frankly, she was a bit scared of his sudden burst of emotions. She had never seen him that emotional before. He wasn't the type to be so open at random times. Typically, Clarke would have to coax Bellamy into releasing his hidden emotions, but even then, he rarely became completely open and vulnerable. There were only a few other cases Clarke could think of where he had truly shown her his heart; their first day trip together, when they said goodbye at the gates of Arkadia, when they fought about her leaving, and when they finally made up on the beach. While all of those times had been serious and intense and heartfelt, the crying fit that he had just now seemed to be much heavier than all of those other events. 

She continued looking at the notebook, realizing that he had deserted it here, and that she could literally grab it and read it at any moment. She desperately wanted to open it and read what he had written. She desperately wanted to understand why he wrote "forget Clarke Griffin." She wanted to understand why he had acted they way he did. She longed to know what kind of secret he had that he felt like he couldn't even tell her. But, another part of her brain began arguing with her. Bellamy finding out that Clarke had looked over his shoulder is what started his massive breakdown. And truthfully, Clarke knew it would be wrong to read what he had written. On the other hand, she figured that he would never truthfully tell her what his fit had been about, and reading his journal felt like the only way to find out what was really going on inside his head. Clarke sighed, and picked the notebook up off the ground, dusting off the small amount of dirt that was on it. 

Clarke wasn't going to read Bellamy's journal; somebody else was. 

|||||

Bellamy scrambled out of his room, literally sprinting back to the courtyard where had previously lost his mind while Clarke was watching him. He was really hating himself for everything that had just happened, but now, he only had one focus: get his notebook back before Clarke had a chance to read it. Several people turned their heads at the sight of Bellamy sprinting around Arkadia, some even worrying that something dangerous was happening. He gained a whole lot of attention by the time he had reached the table him and Clarke had been sitting at, but he didn't notice the stares enough to care. All he knew was that his notebook was gone, and Clarke was too. 

|||||

Clarke wandered to Raven's workplace. She was cleaning some tools when Clarke entered the room, and looked up in surprise. 

"Clarke. What are you doing here?" Raven asked, walked out from behind the table. Clarke had chosen Raven because out of everyone else, she felt that Raven had the least amount of hard feelings toward her. And honestly, she trusted Raven. 

"Could you do me a favor?" Clarke asked hesitantly, clutching the notebook tightly in her hand. Raven's eyebrows furrowed as she nodded her head. 

"What's up? Is something wrong?" she questioned. 

"This has nothing to do with Arkadia, or the grounders, or anything else like that..." Clarke began. 

"Okay, now I'm definitely intrigued. What do you need?" Raven asked, stepping closer excitedly, much like how a junior high student might act when they were about to hear some really good gossip.

"You can't tell anybody about this, okay? Top secret," Clarke said quietly. She still wasn't sure if she was making the right decision, but it was too late to go back now. 

"Got it. Top secret," Raven reassured her. 

"I was going to see Bellamy today, because I've been feeling like he's been avoiding me. When I came up behind him in the courtyard, I saw him writing in a journal. This journal," Clarke held the notebook up, "And I saw a phrase in there that's really bothering me. It said 'Forget Clarke Griffin.' I thought everything was okay between me and Bellamy, so this really caught me off guard. I didn't want it to continue eating away at me, so I just straight up asked him about. And Raven, he started crying. Like sobbing!" Clarke explained. 

Raven's mouth opened in surprise. "He cried?! Right in the middle of the courtyard? Well, what did he say?" 

"I know! Weird, right? He just said that those were words I wasn't supposed to see, and he kept on crying. I tried to comfort him and I kept asking him what was wrong, but he said that he couldn't talk to me about it. Then he ran off, and accidentally left this on the ground," Clarke handed the notebook to Raven.

"You know, now that you mention it, I've noticed him acting strange lately too. A few weeks ago, I saw him just sitting on the ground, looking super depressed. I tried to tell him to go see Abby because he told me just felt sick, but he wouldn't listen," Raven took the notebook from Clarke's hands. 

"So, I want you to read what he wrote. I can't justify doing it, considering he didn't want me to see those words. But, I just need to know that he doesn't hate me. So, can you read it and just tell me afterward if he's mad or not? That's all I need to know," Clarke asked uneasily, scratching the back of her neck. 

"Sure. Sit there, I'll read it now," Raven agreed. Clarke sat down in a chair on the opposite side of the room, becoming a bit clammy from the nervousness she was experiencing. Raven returned to her table, taking a deep breath, and opening the notebook. 

/// It's been a few weeks since we've all returned to Arkadia, and I'm struggling more than ever. Not so much because of the things that happened during the war, but because of her. I know that she's hurting a lot lately, and I've tried to do my best to comfort her without making it obvious... She lost someone recently and I know that that must hurt. It hurts to watch her be hurt. 

I accidentally told Kane about my feelings. He kept pressing the issue, asking why I walked on eggshells around the topic of her. He even noticed how I began drinking more after she left the first time. And I just blurted it out; that I was upset because she didn't love me back. She's always around these days, so this aching feeling in my chest is getting harder and harder to ignore. I honestly do my best to avoid her now, simply because spending time around her hurts too much. I know she doesn't feel the same, and this is why I will never confess. But, what can I do? I just can't seem to forget Clarke Griffin. ///

Raven slowly closed the notebook, looking back up at Clarke. 

"What is it? Does he hate me?" Clarke asked nervously, becoming scared of the expression of surprise that covered Raven's face. 

"No, Clarke. He doesn't hate you. In fact, he feels the opposite of that."


	12. You are His Soul, His Fire

"Damn it!" Bellamy bellowed, angrily kicking one of the chairs over. His journal was gone and Clarke was too! He knew that nothing was going to stop her from reading it; she'd probably already read the entire thing by now! Bellamy's heart rate continued to accelerate as he felt himself succumb to a full-on panic attack. He couldn't lie his way out of the situation this time. He couldn't run away from the truth. He couldn't say that those weren't his words. There was literally nothing he could do about the situation at hand, and suddenly, he felt incredibly sick. He ran back out of the courtyard, eyes still on him, and promptly threw up on the ground. 

Breathing heavily, he rested against a tree for support, allowing his eyes to momentarily close. Cold sweat began to bead along his forehead as his mind spun out of control, imagining every possible outcome to Clarke reading what was in his journal. 

Possibility One: She pretends like she didn't read it, and we move on as if nothing ever happened. 

Possibility Two: She gets angry with me, and our friendship ends. 

Possibility Three: She feels uncomfortable about my feelings, and our friendship ends. 

Possibility Four: This isn't likely...No way, Bellamy...Don't even let yourself imagine...that she feels the same way...

"Bellamy?!" 

He opened his eyes, slowly readjusting to the real world. It was Abby. 

"Are you okay?" She exclaimed, running over to him. 

"I'm fine," he said weakly, pushing her hand away as she was raising it to feel his forehead. 

"You don't look fine. Come on, let me do a checkup and make sure you don't have a virus," Abby argued, concern spreading across her face.

"I said I'm fine!" Bellamy insisted angrily. He just wanted everyone to get out of his face! 

Abby was surprised by his sudden attitude, and she took a few steps back. "Bellamy, you've been acting really strange lately. If something is going on with you, you need to talk to somebody. Is it because of the war? Is there something that happened that we don't know about?" Abby asked, her tone softer this time in attempt to avoid another outburst of anger from him.

Bellamy took a deep breath, trying to internally calm himself down enough to have this conversation. 

"It's nothing like that," he began hesitantly, eyes wandering around to see if people were still watching him. They were. 

"What is it, then?" Abby pressed. 

"Clarke took my journal," he said blankly. Abby's face was painted with confusion as her eyebrows furrowed. 

"What?"

"I've been having a lot of feelings lately; things I can't really talk to anyone about, so I've been keeping a journal. Clarke stole it," Bellamy replied quietly, keeping his down. 

"Why would she do that?" Abby asked, seemingly trying to understand what was truly going on. 

"Because she walked up behind me and saw her name in it." He kicked at the dirt on the ground. 

"Why was her name it?"

Bellamy was quiet for a moment as his movements came to a halt. 

"Because I'm in love with her."

|||||

"No, Clarke. He doesn't hate you. In fact, he feels the opposite of that." Raven said quietly, seemingly in shock from what she'd just read. 

"What does that mean?" Clarke asked, a sense of urgency flooding her voice. She stood up and crossed the room, now standing in front of Raven. 

"Clarke...I don't know if I should say," Raven said hesitantly, slightly shaking her head. 

"Raven, you're scaring me."

"I just really think you need to talk to him yourself," Raven insisted, handing the journal back to Clarke. 

Clarke looked down at the black leather-bound notebook, gently running her hands over the cover of it. 

"You know that he won't tell me what it is. I've already tried to have this conversation with him," Clarke argued, growing frustrated. The answer was right in between her hands, but it still felt so far away. 

"Whatever you decide to do...I advise you to approach this with caution," Raven replied, still looking uneasy, which upset Clarke even further. 

"I want you to tell me what it said," Clarke demanded suddenly, throwing all of her previous doubts and conflicting feelings about it out the window. Maybe it was wrong, maybe it would upset him more than she had ever upset him before, and maybe it would end their friendship, but she had to know. If she continued on and acted like it never happened, their relationship would suffer anyway. It would always be one giant elephant in the room; a huge problem and confrontation that neither of them ever addressed. It would always be like a cloud of dark curiosity looming over Clarke's head, and it would be like a cloud of worry over Bellamy's. They couldn't solve whatever the problem was if Bellamy never confronted Clarke about it. And she knew that if she didn't force the answers out of Raven, or just read the journal herself, she would never know the truth. 

"Clarke..." Raven hesitated again. 

"I really don't want to have to read this myself, but if you don't tell me, I will. Please at least give me the opportunity to be honest and tell him that I didn't read what it said. At least I can do that for him," Clarke replied, knowing that she had purposely backed Raven into a corner. 

"He loves you, Clarke."

"He loves all of us. He's just that kind of guy," Clarke said, internally trying to refuse the reality of what Raven was really saying. 

"No, Clarke. He's in love with you. He loves me like a sister, but he loves you in a much different way..." Raven trailed off. 

Clarke blinked a couple of times, backing up and sitting down in the chair she had been in before. 

"Whether you decide to pretend like you don't know, or confront him about, please be gentle with him. He's really been struggling with this, and he believes you don't feel the same way at all. No matter how you feel, you need to be careful with how you deal with it so that you don't hurt him more than you already have," Raven explained. 

Clarke nodded slowly, before standing back up. 

"So," Raven said, "What'll it be?"


	13. One Step at a Time

"You love her, Bellamy?" Abby asked calmly, cautiously taking a step toward him. 

"I really do," he whispered, tears welling up in his eyes once again. He was astounded at his own behavior, feeling so unlike himself it scared him. 

"Then, why are you so scared?" she replied softly. He hesitated for a short moment. 

"She doesn't look at me the way that I look at her," Bellamy looked down, a single tear escaping his eye. He quickly wiped it off his face before it had the chance to run down his cheek. 

"How do you know that for sure?" Abby countered. 

"Why would she? I'm not good enough. I feel like she has more reasons to hate me than love me," Bellamy admitted, feeling pain in his chest. 

"Clarke's made just as many mistakes as you have, Bellamy. Just because we aren't perfect people doesn't mean we aren't deserving of love," she argued, but Bellamy wasn't receptive to her words. Too many lies that he had told himself and too much hurt was blocking his heart. His only response was him shaking his head. 

"You've built this situation up in your mind to be worse than it actually is. I can't speak for Clarke; I don't know how she feels about you. But this is going to eat you alive if you don't tell her how you feel. You don't know what's going to happen; she might be head over heels for you, and then you'll realize you did all of this worrying for absolutely nothing. Or, she might not feel the same way. But at least then, you can move on. You won't have to regret not speaking up later, if you just confess your feelings now. Does that make sense?" 

"Yes," Bellamy still wouldn't meet Abby's gaze. 

"Take my advice or leave it; that's up to you. But, I care about you Bellamy. I'm trying to help."

"I know."

"Either way, it won't be the end of the world. You'll get through it."

He nodded again, a decision forming in his heart; one he'd been afraid of for a very long time. 

|||||

It was evening by the time Clarke left Raven's shop, Bellamy's notebook clutched safely within her hands. She looked like a woman on a mission; her face was full of focus and determination, she walked confidently, with her shoulders back and head held high. Because of this stance, nobody bothered her as she ventured through the camp, searching for him, for Bellamy. She figured it might be hard to find him considering he was likely very embarrassed about the events that had occurred earlier that day. She wondered if he was even in camp at all, or if he had ran off on a patrol shift in order to get away for a while. She hoped that wasn't the case, as the longer she put off talking to him, the worse she knew he would feel. 

She was overwhelmed with a wave of guilt for taking his journal, realizing that he must've been worrying about it all afternoon. She did what she felt she had to do, but she still felt sorry that she put him in such an uncomfortable position. It wasn't fair; the way she had treated him. While he did give her a cold shoulder for a while because of the feelings he'd been keeping inside, she couldn't find any anger left within herself about it anymore. Now that she understood the situation, she didn't blame Bellamy for his behavior at all. Upon Raven's discovery, Clarke felt even worse than before. She had been trampling on this boy's heart for months on end, without even realizing it. 

She couldn't help but think about all of the things they had been through together after arriving on the ground. She couldn't help but wonder when his feelings blossomed, and what events caused them to do so. Had he felt this way all of that time ago, before they ever went to Mount Weather? The look on his face when she had closed the dropship door on him was burned into her mind. Was he in love with her then?

What about when they were first reunited after she was taken by the Mountain Men? When she jumped into his arms, hugging him for the first time? So, she didn't imagine the sigh of relief that he gave off then? She wasn't imaging how tightly he was holding her? Was he in love with her then?

What about when she left? When she left him behind after kissing his cheek and giving him one last hug? When she stranded him there to deal with everything alone? Was he in love with her then? What damage did she cause to his heart?

And worst of all, she thought of the earlier events of the day. She thought of how he broke down so easily, practically sobbing at the realization that she had looked in his journal. He was in love with her. One hundred percent, without a doubt, head over heels in love with Clarke Griffin. 

Clarke stopped in her tracks, suddenly overwhelmed with an emotion that she couldn't put a name to. Tears blurred her vision as she realized so many things at once. She needed to talk to Bellamy, and she needed to talk to him now. 

|||||

Bellamy saw her from afar, stood still by a tree on the edge of Arkadia. He gulped, fear consuming him, but he forced himself to press forward before he had a chance to talk himself out of it once again. As he got closer he realized that she was holding his journal in her hands, and another wave of anxiety came over him. He stopped for a moment, wondering if this conversation would really be worth it. He was so scared; he'd never been this close to verbally telling her the way that he felt. He began walking again, feeling sick to his stomach. 

He was only a few feet away from her now, and upon hearing his footsteps, she finally looked up. Bellamy was severely caught off guard by the tears in her eyes, his eyebrows furrowing. 

"Bellamy-"

"Clarke-"

And through worried lips they both uttered the words, "I need to talk to you."


	14. Maybe I Just Wanna Be Yours

And through worried lips they both uttered the words, "I need to talk to you." 

"You first," Bellamy breathed. Clarke nodded, and Bellamy was scared he was going to start sweating as she held up his journal. He had no idea what her response was going to be, and he couldn't read her body language at all. She was acting in a way he had never seen her before, and that terrified him. 

"I didn't read your journal," Clarke began, and Bellamy couldn't believe his ears. She didn't read it?! That means she doesn't know the truth! He almost began to calm down, until she opened her mouth again. 

"I didn't read your journal, but somebody else did," she said uneasily. Bellamy didn't speak, waiting for her to continue. 

"I didn't read your journal, but...I know what it says."

"W-What does that mean?" Bellamy stuttered. His palms began to sweat. 

"I know how you feel..." Clarke trailed off and Bellamy momentarily couldn't think clearly. Was all of this actually happening? Was he actually awake? This was reality?

"Bellamy-" Clarke began to speak again, but he felt the need to cut her off. 

"No, I'm not ready to do this," he shook his head fiercely, trying to postpone the imminent rejection that he thought was coming his way. 

"You aren't ready to do what?" Clarke replied softly, confused. 

"I'm not ready for you to push me away, because I know that's what's about to happen. I'm not ready for our friendship or our general relationship to go the drain; not after we've been working so hard to regain each other's trust. I'm not ready for you to look at me like I'm a kicked puppy, and feel sorry for me, and walk on eggshells around me. I'm not ready for you to look me in the eye and say that you don't want me, because trust me Clarke, I already know. I know you don't care and you never have, so there's no reason for you to say it. I don't need to hear it. I don't want to hear it-"

"Bellamy!-"

"Because I love you, Clarke! Do you know how hard it is to love someone like you?! You're constantly facing death, or looking for the next solution, but you ignore the things that really matter! You neglect your true feelings because you believe it's wrong for you to have them! Do you know how hard it is to watch you struggle so much? To want to constantly help you and comfort you, but to not be able to do so out of fear that you'll push me away because you don't think you deserve comforting?! You try so hard, Clarke. You work so hard, but you never let yourself rest, and you never forgive yourself. And the frustrating thing is, I'm the exact same way! I understand why you act the way you do, and I've always wanted you to confide in me. I've always wanted a deeper relationship with you, but I've buried those feelings down, because I know it's not what you want. So before you stand there and give me some halfhearted "We can still be friends" speech, I want you to at least understand what I've been going through," Bellamy nearly started crying again, due to the sheer amount of emotions he was feelings in that moment. He felt sadness, heartbreak, and even dashes of anger. 

"Bellamy-"

"And quite frankly, the fact that you stole my journal kind of ticks me off! If I wasn't talking to you about it, I obviously had a reason why! Yes, I was protecting myself, but I was also trying to protect our friendship! You should've just trusted that I had my reasons to keep my feelings a secret from you, but clearly, you don't trust me enough! And now, we're standing here, having this conversation; one that could've totally been avoided! I'm humiliated, but you didn't even seem to consider my feelings for a single second! Why did you have to-"

And what happened next was something that Bellamy would never forget. For many weeks after, he would replay this moment in his mind, wondering if it really happened or not. One second he was pouring his negative feelings out to Clarke, practically yelling at her, and the next, she had silenced him completely. In a single motion so fluid and quick that Bellamy almost couldn't comprehend what was happening, Clarke had bridged the space between them, grabbed his shirt and pulled so that she could reach his lips. 

They were kissing. 

He was so surprised that it took him a few seconds to even react. Clarke Griffin was actually wholeheartedly kissing him. Her reaction to his words was so opposite of what he had been expecting for so long, the moment almost seemed bizarre. But upon the thought that his statue-like stance would convey to her that he was rejecting her sudden act of physical affection, he closed his eyes and began to return the kiss as well. His head was swimming, unable to form a single coherent thought as he kissed the girl he'd been pining after for months on end. 

He wasn't sure how long it had been when they finally pulled away, or who initiated the ending to their first kiss. 

"What...was...that..." Bellamy breathed, happy about what had just happened, but confused more than anything. 

"I've never once thought "I don't care about Bellamy Blake" or "I'm not interested in Bellamy Blake." I've cared about you for a long time, Bellamy. I've always cared about how you're feeling and what happens to you...When I found out how you felt about me, a lot of things just became extremely clear to me. You're right; I push away comfort and affection and I think that's why it took me so long to acknowledge the feelings I've had about you for a while now...I'm sorry I took your journal. I just didn't know what else to do...I thought you really hated me," Clarke explained quietly, seeming shy in a way that Bellamy had never seen her before. 

"So, you do like me?" He was so overwhelmed, and he didn't want to misunderstand anything that she was saying.

"I'm sorry that it took me this long to see you, Bellamy. To really see you." She smiled at him. 

"I don't understand..."

"I love-"


	15. C'Mon,,,Listen to Me!

"I'm sorry that it took me this long to see you, Bellamy. To really see you." She smiled at him.

"I don't understand..."

"I love-"

The alarm sirens throughout Arkadia blared, cutting Clarke off mid-sentence. Bellamy immediately placed himself protectively in front of Clarke, hand reaching for the gun that was sticking out of his front pocket as he tried to gauge the situation that was unfolding before them. Their hearts were thudding with anticipation, worry, but most of all, fear. The camp had been so quiet for the past few weeks since they'd returned, and everyone almost started to comfortable in that peace. They should've known better.

"What's going on?!" Clarke yelled, trying to be heard over the incredibly loud noise. She attempted to move out from behind Bellamy and stand beside him to get a better look, but he grabbed her wrist, stopping her.

"Stay behind me," he ordered, and for once, she didn't try to argue with him.

Bellamy's eyes widened as he quickly looked around, seeing everyone running around, stumbling over one another to make it inside. He went to reach for his radio, only to find that it wasn't attached to his left pocket as it normally was. He realized that he left it in his room while he was in such a hurry to go and find Clarke.

"That's not good," he breathed, panic starting to fill him.

"What's happening?!" Clarke shouted again. He turned to face her, and she began to panic as well as she watched all of the color drain out of Bellamy's face.

"It's a security breach! I don't have my radio, so I don't know what's going on!" He said, desperately combing his brain while deciding what to do. He didn't want to run to the gates of camp with Clarke in tow without knowing what he was getting into. Before he would've dropped everything to find out what was going on, but he suddenly felt an overbearing instinct to make sure Clarke would be in a safe place first. He couldn't believe what was happening.

One second they were standing there confessing their feelings to one another, and the next everyone's safety was suddenly on the line.

"Wait, what does that mean-" Clarke began, but Bellamy grabbed her by the arm.

"C'mon!" he insisted, pulling her with him as they both began running, Bellamy trying to make it back to his room.

"Bellamy! Shouldn't we go and see what's happening?! It could be something really bad!"

He ignored her pleas, too busy scanning the area for danger as he continued to drag Clarke along. The common areas were full of absolute chaos as everyone was confused, running around, trying to find shelter as they were unaware the type of threat that was facing them.

"Bellamy! Bellamy!" It was Monty. "What's going on!"

"I don't know, but get inside! Spread the word!" Bellamy responded swiftly as he continued moving through the crowds of people, almost back to his room.

Bellamy nearly sighed with relief as the made it inside and he shut the door behind him. But, his radio was going off continuously and he ran to go and retrieve it from off of the floor.

"Bellamy Blake! Come in Bellamy Blake!"

"That sounds like my mom," Clarke said, worry lining her voice.

"I copy," Bellamy said urgently, glancing up at Clarke would looked as if she were about to have a panic attack.

"I need you to come to the front gates. Now," Abby instructed, but it sounded like she was scared of something.

"What's going on?" he insisted impatiently.

"Octavia's here."

Bellamy scoffed, tossing a confused look at Clarke.

"Why are the sirens blaring just because Octavia is here?"

"You don't understand. She's got a knife to Marcus. She's requesting that you come here right away," Abby's voice began trembling and Bellamy's eyes widened as Clarke gasped.

"Okay. Tell her I'm on my way," Bellamy replied as calmly as he could manage before clicking off the radio and clipping it back on his jeans.

"Bellamy-"

"You're going to stay here," he said, crouching down by his bed, pulling out an extra handgun he always kept stowed away there.

"No, I'm not! I'm not letting you go by yourself!" Clarke practically screeched, but Bellamy shook his head fiercely.

"No, you're not. You're not getting involved in this. This is between Octavia and I. I don't want to be worrying about you," he argued, placing the handgun in the back of his jeans.

"Do you really think I'm just going to sit here and wait as that's happening outside?! I don't want to be worrying about you!" she exclaimed, beginning to grow angry at his insistence.

"Clarke, listen to me. Please, for once, listen to me. I am the man in this relationship and it's my job to protect you. I'm asking you to stay here so that I can take care of this with ease, knowing that you're safe. You standing there with me is not going to help, okay? It's only going to worry me even more-"

"Bellamy-"

"Clarke, I won't be able to live with myself if something happens to you because my sister has lost her mind! Please, I'm begging! Listen to me!" Bellamy's desperation became blatantly obvious as he began choking on his words.

Clarke sighed in defeat, moving closer to him, hands on his shoulders.

"Okay, okay. I'll stay here, alright? Don't worry about me, and go," Clarke caved as reassured him the best that she could.

"Thank you," he said softly, turning to leave, but Clarke quickly stopped him. He turned back around, looking at her with sad eyes.

"Please be careful," she asked, and he nodded, turning to leave once more.

"Bellamy," she called out.

"Yes?"

"Please come back in one piece," she whispered.

"I'll try."

"Bellamy?" she called out, one last time.

"What?"

"I love you."


	16. Bell, I'm Not What You Think

By the time Bellamy was running through camp, toward the front gate to meet Octavia, most people had taken shelter inside. Even though there was no threat to the vast majority as they were innocent bystanders, Bellamy was still happy that everyone paid attention and followed through on the security protocols that had been put into place. 

He couldn't help but wonder what his sister was hoping to accomplish by taking Marcus hostage. And he couldn't help but wonder why she felt she had to go through such extreme lengths simply to score a conversation with Bellamy. He would've talked with her regardless, and he was surprised that that was something she didn't consider. 

Quite frankly, her rash behavior worried him, as it showed that she was mentally not in the right place. He understood that she was angry and grieving, but that wasn't an excuse for her behavior. What she did to Marcus was absolutely not okay, and as soon as Marcus was out of her hands, Bellamy was going to let her know that it wasn't okay. 

He got there quickly, and upon arriving on the scene he just about had a fit. Octavia was standing in the entrance of the gate, one arm around Kane to hold him in place, the other holding up a knife to his neck. Her hair was in long braids and the black makeup on her face was smudged and smeared and had flecks of blood splattered across it. 

Bellamy felt sick to his stomach. 

He looked around, realizing that it was just Marcus, Octavia, Abby, and himself. He wondered where all of the guards were and how this possibly could've happened. How could she have even gotten to Kane? Much less get him close enough to swing a knife in front of his face without someone else intervening? These questions itched Bellamy's brain, but they were questions that could be answered later. They weren't important right now.

"Octavia, what are you doing?" Bellamy said firmly, walking toward her. 

"Stop walking and put your guns on the ground," Octavia ordered, her expression remaining focused and harsh. 

"O, whatever the issue is, let's discuss it without involving other people," Bellamy attempted to reason with her, but he could already tell that she likely wasn't going to be receptive to it. He took both guns out of his pockets and placed them in front of himself on the ground. 

"'O'," Octavia scoffed, "Stop acting like we're family."

"We are family," Bellamy replied, trying to mask the hurt that was flooding into his voice. 

"No. We stopped being family the day that Lincoln died," Octavia shook her head, adjusting her grip on Kane. 

Both Abby and Marcus remained silent, knowing that any words from them would only worsen the situation and likely upset Octavia further. 

"That's what this is about? Why do you keep blaming me?! You killed Pike! Can't you just let it go?" Bellamy was bewildered, almost beginning to grow angry. 

"You want me to let it go? Lincoln was murdered and you want me to "let it go"?!" Octavia raised her voice, very clearly becoming furious. 

Bellamy tried to take another step towards her. 

"Stop! I will kill him. Stop moving," Octavia warned as all of the color drained out of Marcus's face due to unrelenting fear. 

"I'm sorry that that happened. Okay, I am? You think I didn't care about Lincoln too? You think you're the only one that's lost somebody?!" Bellamy bellowed. 

"Don't test me, Bellamy!" Octavia shrieked. 

"Fine, then! What is that you want? What do you want me to do?" 

Octavia was silent for a moment, a smirk spreading across her face. 

"Bring Clarke and I'll let Kane go." 

Bellamy was utterly and completely dumbfounded. 

"What?"

"I said, bring Clarke to me, and I'll let Kane go," she said smugly, cocking her head at Bellamy.

"What game are you trying to play here, huh? What are you hoping to accomplish?" He said in a clear, low voice, a tone that Octavia had never heard him use before. 

"This isn't a game, Bellamy," she smiled in a way that made Bellamy's skin crawl. 

"This isn't you, O. This isn't the kind of person you really are, okay?" he insisted, rejecting the idea that the person standing in front of him and making those was requests was really his sister. His family. His only family. 

"Bell, I'm not what you think," Octavia smiled again, seemingly satisfied with herself and with her actions. 

"Octavia," Bellamy whispered in disbelief. 

"Bring Clarke and I'll let Kane go," she said once more. 

Bellamy was at a complete and total loss. What was he supposed to do? He couldn't just let Octavia stand there and threaten Kane's life, but he had no idea what she was going to do if he brought Clarke to her. What was she thinking? How far would she really go? It was a question he used to be able to answer, but he wasn't so sure anymore. His little sister had changed, and not for the better. She was scarier, more heartless, and worst of all, she had turned into a major revenge seeker. He looked at her and saw a person, but his little sister was nowhere to be found. There was no trace of the person that she used to be anywhere in those dull eyes of hers. 

"Octavia," Bellamy whispered again, his heart breaking, mourning the loss of someone who wasn't even dead. She was standing right before him, but it was a person he no longer recognized. And that hurt. 

"Clarke. Now," Octavia ordered. 

"Okay...I'll go get her," Bellamy's head was swimming.

"No. Get a hold of her on the radio. I don't trust you to come back. You might try to run off with her. Wait, you know what? You can go get her. Just know that if you don't come back within ten minutes, I'll kill Kane. If you want to run off with her anyway, that's up to you. But, his blood will be on your hands. Your choice," Octavia shrugged, and Bellamy's knees became weak. 

His hands were tied. There was no visible way out of the situation at hand. There was no way to be the hero today. There was no way to stop what she was doing. He felt one hundred percent powerless, because truthfully, he was. 

"I'll be back," he said blankly, slowly turning and beginning to walk away. 

"You have ten minutes, Bellamy," Octavia called out, "Don't be late."


	17. Can't You See I've Been Played?

Bellamy moved as quickly as he could, sprinting back to his room in order to make sure he stayed within the allotted time slot that Octavia had given him. He was exhausting his brain in that time, combing through every bit of knowledge he had, desperately trying to find a way out of this. 

He couldn't run. He couldn't hide. 

His mind kept coming back to one viable option, but it was something that he simply could not do. He didn't think he would ever bring himself to be able to do it, even if it meant protecting Clarke. 

He would have to kill Octavia. 

Bellamy refused the thought forcefully, shoving it out of his mind because he didn't want to accept the truth of the idea. The truth was, killing Octavia would likely save a lot of lives. No one could predict her behavior, and when she was mad, she was bent on getting revenge. If it were anybody else, Bellamy could likely justify killing them. But, this was Octavia. Even if he no longer could recognize his sister, the fact that she shared the same blood as him didn't change, no matter how bad he wished it could right then. Not only did he not want to do that, he didn't think he could physically commit the action. 

But then his mind would shift back to the concept of Clarke, his princess, the one he loved most in the world. How far would he go to defend her? How much would he sacrifice for her? He wasn't sure what the answer was, and in those short 3 minutes of running, all of those thoughts and considerations continuously rushed through his mind. 

He burst into his room with his breathing visibly uneven and sweat dripping down his face. 

"Clarke," Bellamy said urgently as she rose from where she was sitting on the edge of his bed. 

"Bellamy! Are you okay?! What happened?" She asked, desperate to hear words of comfort from him, praying for good news to leave his mouth. 

"I need you to come with me right now," He unsuccessfully tried to settle his breathing as he retrieved another gun from under his bed. 

"Why are you getting more guns?" Clarke questioned, her eyes growing wide and her stomach tying in knots as he ignored her first questions. 

"Octavia took them. She's requesting you. She won't let Kane go until you come out there with me," Bellamy explained, grabbing her arm and pulling her outside. 

"Why does she want to see me?" 

They swiftly began making their way back to the front gates and Bellamy felt sick to his stomach. He had no idea what was about to happen, and the worst part of it all, he didn't have any time to say much more to Clarke. 

He had so many things he wanted to say to her, so many things he wished he would've said to her. For some reason, he felt as if this conversation they were having may be their last one, and the thought was more than he could handle. His face paled, eliciting even more concern from Clarke. 

"Bellamy! Are you okay?" she practically demanded, growing frustrated from his lack of proper responses. 

Bellamy stopped in his tracks, swiftly moving and grabbing her by the shoulders. He spoke quickly. 

"She's angry at me because of Lincoln's death, and now she's requesting to see you. I don't know what she's going to do, but I'm afraid she's going to try to hurt you in order to get back at me. I can't bring anyone else with us, and we can't run because she will kill Marcus," he practically threw up the words, trying to desperately explain as best he could, knowing that they really needed to keep moving. 

"Oh." 

"Clarke, listen, I'm not going to let anything happen to you, okay? I love you, okay? I love you so much, and it's all going to be okay because I'm going to fix this! I'll fix everything!" his words ran together and the fear in his eyes was so blatant it almost caused Clarke to start crying. 

"We need to keep moving," he insisted, pulling her along and then beginning to run out of fear they wouldn't make it back in time. 

Clarke didn't say anything else throughout the rest of the run back to Octavia, and Bellamy was focused on trying to keep himself from passing out. 

They finally turned the corner, revealing Octavia still standing there with Kane in her grip, and Abby quietly standing off to the side, helpless and useless. 

"So he returns," Octavia smirked, "I'm a little surprised you came back, honestly. I thought you might've made Kane take one for the team this time around." 

Bellamy gulped. 

"Come closer," Octavia barked as Bellamy and Clarke were still about twenty feet away from her. 

Bellamy grimaced, on the verge of tears as he was so afraid for what was to come next. He glanced over at Clarke who gave him a sad smile. 

"It's okay, Bellamy. I'll be fine," she whispered. And right then and there, Bellamy did something as he was afraid he may not ever have the chance to do it again. In front of everyone else, Bellamy kissed her. 

It was the most desperate kiss he had ever given or received, causing tears to fall from his eyes as his lips collided with hers. It was a kiss that caused Clarke's breath to hitch in her throat, grateful for his love, and scared that it was about to be ripped away. It was short-lived but infused with so many words he didn't have time to actually say.

I love you. 

I'm sorry. 

I care about you more than anything else. 

I'm sorry I couldn't stop this.

I would do anything for you.

I'm sorry this is happening. 

I would do anything for you, but 

I don't know if stopping her is something I can do. 

"Now!" Octavia screamed as Bellamy pulled away, grabbing her by the hand, and walking up toward Octavia. 

"Okay. Clarke is here. Now let Marcus go," Bellamy ordered, his voice incredibly rough and demanding, despite the fact he literally had tears streaming down his face. 

"Marcus is my leverage, and I can't let him go until Clarke is standing right here, beside me," Octavia argued. She looked toward Clarke, "If you have any guns, lay them down now."

Clarke pulled her gun out of the back of her pants and tossed it down beside the ones that Bellamy had discarded earlier. 

"Come over here, Clarke," Octavia said again. Bellamy had a hand on her wrist, and he was gripping tightly, his eyes shooting daggers toward his sister. 

"It's okay, Bellamy. You can let go," Clarke reassured him, and after a slight dose of hesitation, Bellamy reluctantly released her from his hold. 

Clarke bridged the space and stood beside Octavia, and Octavia finally released Kane. In the short few seconds that Octavia did not have anyone hostage, Bellamy made a decision. 

He reached for his gun and immediately aimed it at her. 

But, Octavia had unfortunately anticipated this possibility as she quickly pulled Clarke in front of herself, guarding herself. 

"You can try to kill me, Bellamy, but you'll have to kill her first," Octavia called out from behind Clarke. 

Bellamy panicked, as he knew now, there was truly nothing more he could do. 

"What's my alternative option? What are you going to do to her?" Bellamy choked on his words, and that's when Clarke began to cry. 

"She's going to come with me."

"Octavia," Bellamy dropped his gun, and fell down on his knees. "Please, don't. Please."

"I'm not going to kill her, but you don't get to have her," Octavia said curtly, stepping out from beside Clarke, her knife in hand just in case anybody tried anything. 

"What does that mean?" he looked back up at her, his eyes pleading with her. 

"If you follow us, or if you try to come and "rescue her", I'll kill her. Clarke, I would suggest that you don't try anything either, and you'll be just fine," Octavia turned away from Bellamy. "Let's leave now." Clarke managed to catch a final look at Bellamy, mouthing the words "It's okay."

"Octavia!" Bellamy screamed. "You can't do this! You can't!" 

Octavia snickered and sent a wave in his direction as they began walking away, progressively getting farther and farther away from Arkadia. 

"Octavia!" He screamed again, breaking down into sobs as he slammed his fist onto the ground in an outburst of rage. 

I can fix this. 

I will fix it. 

No matter what it takes. 

Clarke is mine.


	18. You're Gone, But You're On My Mind

"Bellamy. Bellamy, come on you need to get up. People are starting to come out of their homes and it's going to panic them to see you like this," Abby insisted quietly into Bellamy's ear. He was still on his knees, sobs forcing their way out of his throat, the ending of that pain nowhere in sight. 

"I-I c-can't b-believe I-I j-just l-let t-that h-happen," he cried, covering his face with his hands. 

"It's not your fault, Bellamy. Come on, get up," Abby tried to coax him, looking over her shoulder to shoot a desperate look at Marcus. 

"It is my fault. It's all my fault," his entire body was shaking. Marcus rushed over to assist Abby in getting Bellamy up and off the ground. People were starting to file out of their houses now. It had been nearly thirty minutes since Clarke and Octavia left, and Marcus had gone and informed members of the guard that they could go around and let everyone know it was safe again. It had been nearly thirty minutes, and yet Bellamy was still there on the ground, rendered unable to move. 

Marcus crouched down in front of Bellamy, reaching out and putting a hand on his shoulder. 

"Bellamy, look at me," he ordered, but Bellamy continued staring down at the ground. 

"This isn't your fault, okay? And we're going to get her back, no matter what it takes," Marcus tried to reason with him as it was honestly hard for him to watch Bellamy tear himself apart like that. 

He had been surprised when he saw Bellamy kiss Clarke, and even in the midst of that horrible situation, he was glad that at least Bellamy had confessed his feelings to her. Marcus had watched Bellamy struggle with his feelings for Clarke for quite a long time, and to see that that issue had finally been relieved genuinely made him happy. 

Except now, Clarke was gone, and she had taken a piece of Bellamy's heart with her. 

"Marcus is right. Clarke is my daughter, and she's clearly much more to you than just a friend. Don't worry, Bellamy. We will figure something out," Abby agreed, attempting to give him even just an inkling of hope. 

Marcus and Abby both grabbed one of Bellamy's arms, and they gently tried to help him stand up. His face was flushed and his eyes were red and still full of tears. He stumbled as they let go of their hold on him, his legs feeling incredibly weak. 

He looked to Marcus and then Abby with blatant hopelessness, so broken and so shocked by what had just happened he couldn't even think straight. 

"I-I'm s-so s-sorry," his voice broke as he began weeping again, a sight that Abby could no longer stand. She embraced him carefully as he fell against her, head on her shoulder as he continued to cry in a rather loud manner. 

Marcus put a hand on Bellamy's back, glancing at Abby with concern. He had never seen Bellamy in a state this bad before, and he was beginning to get worried. After everything that they had been through so far, Bellamy had never been quite this broken. Perhaps it was because the person that he loved the most was involved. Marcus imagined how he would react if Abby had been taken from him in the same manner that Clarke had been taken from Bellamy, and he shuddered. He wouldn't be able to stand it, and no matter what, he would likely blame himself for not doing more, or for not protecting her better. He understood Bellamy's outburst of emotions, and he could practically feel the pain radiating off of him. 

"Is that Bellamy?"

"Who's hugging him?"

"I think that's Abby."

"Wait, he's crying!"

"Why is he crying and hugging Abby of all people?"

A crowd was forming, and the rumor mill was starting. 

Marcus glanced around at the people that were beginning to show up around the three of them. He understood that the people of Arkadia were likely just curious about what the security breach had been about, and that's why they all showed up there. However, now the topic of conversation seemed to be about how himself, Abby, and Bellamy were in an "Emotional Huddle" and Marcus grew frustrated. 

"Nothing to see here, alright? Everything's fine, and we'll hold an official meeting later," Marcus called out, waving the crowd off. Most people didn't appear to be satisfied by that answer and they remained standing there anyway. 

"We have a right to know about what's going on!" A random person called out, followed by a bunch of cheering from the others. 

"Yeah! You think we're just going to ignore the fact the leaders of this place are huddled in a circle and crying?! You guys are supposed to be the strong ones!" Another person shouted out, again followed by a mass of cheering. 

Bellamy's cries were not ceasing, only growing louder. Abby did her best to support his weight as Marcus grew furious at the scene that was unfolding before him. The people of Arkadia should've been understanding of grief, seeing as each and every person had a endured a rough dose of it in the last several months. But, people were impatient, and they were scared. 

"How can we trust you guys to take care of us and make decisions if you can't even keep your own emotions in check? We just had a major security breach, and Bellamy Blake is standing there crying?! That's ridiculous!" 

Marcus could no longer bite his tongue. 

"That is enough! I said there's nothing to see here! Get going and back to your jobs, now! That's an order!" Marcus barked, finally sparking some fear into the people of Arkadia. The crowd finally began to disperse, thinning out rather quickly. 

Bellamy was still crying on Abby's shoulder, seemingly unaware and ignorant of everything that had just happened. 

"Come on," Marcus said softly, as Bellamy pulled himself away from Abby, eyes bloodshot. The three of them slowly made their way to the Chancellor's office. They were all filled with ambivalence; feeling sadness and despair over what had just happened, feeling rage and fury toward Octavia for having the audacity to do what she did. 

But there was one emotion that was rising up, and would eventually overpower all of the others; determination. (accidental undertale reference i'm so sorry #emo)

They were going to do whatever it took to get Clarke back. They were willing to do anything. 

"This isn't over, Octavia," Bellamy mumbled to himself, "It's not over."


	19. Time Will Tell

Shortly after his emotional breakdown, Bellamy was wrestled back into Kane's office to be out of the view of the public. 

Abby left to check with the security teams, and to make sure no one had been injured, leaving Kane in charge of babysitting Bellamy. Abby and Marcus didn't trust him to not run off and make stupid decisions that would result in getting himself killed, or other people. 

Bellamy had been on Kane's couch in his office for the past couple of hours. The first chunk of time Bellamy spent laying on the couch in silence, zoning in and out of reality as replayed the scene of Clarke being ripped away him over and over again. The second half of time consisted Bellamy yelling and venting to Kane about how angry he was.

How betrayed he was. 

How sad he was. 

How lost he was. 

Marcus kept trying to calm him down, claiming that if he tried to make plans based on his emotions alone, he would make the wrong decision. "Your emotions will lie to you, Bellamy. Get some rest, and we will all figure this out together," Marcus had told him firmly, praying that he would listen. 

Bellamy took a nap after that, so out of touch with himself that he needed to escape the world in a way that only sleep could provide him. As he drifted off and his eyes rolled closed, he hoped for a fresh perspective when he woke again. He hoped for clarity, or direction. He hoped for all of this to be a dream. 

But, when he woke again he found his face absent from tears, his heart absent from sadness. It was replaced and overwhelmed by a blood-boiling amount of rage, an amount that sent Bellamy's pulse to new hights. An amount of rage that persuaded him up and off the comfort of the dingy couch and the privacy of Kane's office. 

"Bellamy, where are you going?" Kane said wearily from his desk, tossing a half-concerned, half-you-better-not-try-to-do-anything-stupid-because-I'm-too-tired-to-deal-with-this kind of look. 

"I'm going to get my girlfriend back," he said flatly. 

"You know you can't do that right now," Marcus argued through his tired voice. 

"Don't tell me what to do, Marcus," Bellamy snapped, walking closer to Marcus's desk. 

"You know that Abby and I have your best interest, and Clarke's best interest at heart. We will deal with this tomorrow. There's nothing you can do right now."

"My best interest at heart? Really? Clarke could be dead right now. She could be dying as we speak, and that's all you have to say?!" 

"Octavia said she wouldn't kill her-"

"You really believed that? How foolish are you?" Bellamy exclaimed in disbelief, growing angrier by the second. 

"Bellamy-"

"You aren't my father, Marcus. You don't have authority over me, and you can't tell me what to do," Bellamy said with resolve, a note of finality hung in the air. "I don't take orders from you anymore."

And with that, Bellamy stormed out of the room, leaving a baffled Marcus behind. 

He reached for his radio and sighed for clicking it on. 

"Security time 03. This is Marcus Kane. Make sure that Bellamy Blake does not leave Arkadia tonight. Yes. Restrain him if you have to." 

|||||

"Walk faster, Clarke," Octavia ordered, the two of them trekking through the woods, zig-zagging between trees and other foliage as they had been doing for the past several hours. Clarke had been biting her tongue, sliding past Octavia's various harsh remarks as she took time to carefully assess the situation. It was growing dark outside, and her thoughts were beginning to spiral out of control. 

Was her life truly in danger? Or was this all a scare-tactic Octavia was using to try and get back at Bellamy? 

"Octavia, could you at least talk to me about all of this?" Clarke tested her luck, trying to get a feel for where Octavia's emotions were truly at. 

"Shut up, Clarke. I don't have to explain my actions to you," Octavia scoffed, continuing to swiftly move about the random roadblocks that nature had to offer. Clarke kept quiet after that, fearing that one more comment might push Octavia to her breaking point. 

Octavia's mental and emotional state were important, as there were only three viable ways to get out of the situation at hand, and return home safely. 

Option one would be physical fighting. If she could hurt Octavia bad enough, she'd obviously be able to get away. But, Clarke didn't have a gun, or any weapon for that matter. Octavia was weilding a sword and who knows how many extra knives...Regardless, Octavia could easily overpower Clarke in hand-to-hand combat. Option one had the least favorable outcome; Clarke swinging a punch, pissing Octavia off, and getting herself killed prematurely. 

Option two would be the power of words; the reason Clarke considered Octavia's mental state. If she had truly done all of this, caused that big scene at camp, threatened Kane's life, simply to take Clarke away from Bellamy, then her emotional and mental state had to have been at a weak point. If Clarke could fashion her words properly, is there a way that she could talk herself out of the situation? If there was a way to empathize with Octavia and help her let go of the grief, would Octavia willingly let her go? Clarke wasn't sure, and that was what scared her. If she decided to use this route out, she needed to be wise. She needed to choose her words carefully from here on out, and hope for the best. Option two was more favorable that option one, but still held unforseen consequences if executed poorly.

Option three was the most pratical, and the most realistic of them all. But, option three was the one that Clarke didn't want to acknowledge. She didn't want to accept the fact, that in the end, she knew she had to choose option three. To save herself, and everyone else, option three would be the best for everybody.

Option three was cooperation. 

She would do what Octavia told her. She would follow Octavia. She would live where Octavia told her to live. She would stay away from Bellamy. She would cooperate. 

Clarke knew that if she played along, and let Octavia believe that she was winning this ridiculous game of hers, that Clarke would make it out of this situation without a single scratch on her body. Because the truth was, Octavia no longer had any real leverage. 

If Bellamy, or anyone else tried to rescue Clarke from the outside, the entire situation could quickly turn lethal. However, if Bellamy would just follow Octavia's orders and allow Clarke to work the sitation from the inside, it would all work out. 

If Bellamy would just stay away, and let Clarke handle the situation by herself, it would all eventually be resolved. All Clarke needed was one moment where Octavia was off of her guard, or one thread of a conversation to potentially talk herself out of the whole thing. It was all about timing; and it was a game Clarke was confident she could win.

As long as Bellamy stayed away.


End file.
